It's a Date

                 It was Saturday morning and I was anxious to see if Phil had replied to my e-mail. Fridays were always hectic at the hotel and I worked the late shift so by the time I got home it was midnight and I headed straight to bed.

                 Paddy-Cakes and I had just finished cleaning, and I figured I had deprived myself for long enough and earned the right to sit in front of the computer. I was constantly keeping busy to avoid falling back into the obsession and was quite proud of myself.

Phil: hell-o

My heart jumped. Okay, be cool. I made myself wait at least 30 seconds before replying, not to seem too eager.

Joyel: Good Morning!

The bottom of the conversation window read Phil is typing a message and I thought Ha! He doesn’t wait 30 seconds, somebody’s a little obsessed. I smiled as I eagerly awaited his response.

Phil: I was just about to reply to your e-mail, but now that you’re here we can chat.

I felt a pang of disappointment as I counted my 30 Mississippi’s. I enjoyed reading Phil’s e-mails, but mostly I enjoyed how he would usually end them. See you in my dreams, angel. xX

Joyel: So how are you?

Phil: I’m good. A little tired, but happy it’s the weekend. I had exams all week at College.

Phil was studying Art in College and hadn't been online all week because of exams and homework. I hadn't seen any of his art work, but I imagined it as beautiful. Despite the fact that I wasn't going to get an e-mail, I was excited to be having a conversation with him. I missed this, I thought.

Joyel: Poor you! So what are your plans for the weekend?

Okay, Joyel, this is your chance, I tell myself. You practiced the speech over and over, now you just have to type it.

Phil: We have a show tonight at The Velvet. It’s a bar downtown you know it?

Oh my God! He obviously wants me to go, I thought. Why else would he bring it up? Right, casual, I remind myself.

Joyel: No, I don’t it. Is it fun?

Phil: It’s okay. It’s a small bar, the stage is tiny.

Who cares about the stage? Ask me to go! I attempted to telepathically will him.

Phil: You should come!

Oh my God! It worked! I have telepathic powers! I realized. Wait, he wants me to go? Oh my God! I felt nauseous. Respondddd! I instructed myself.

Phil: I can pick you up - we can get ice cream on the way!

I laughed as I read the words Ice cream, remembered a conversation we had had late one night. We were playing a game to get to know each other. I had asked him to name me one thing he could never say no to. He, of course, said beer. I said Ice cream. 

Phil: And we can hang out afterwards - if you want!

Answer. Say yes, I instructed myself.

Phil: hell-o?

Joyel: Sorry. Just a sec.; telephone.

I lied. I had to buy time. I felt guilty for lying so I picked up the phone and dialled Dawn’s number.

“Hello?”

“Dawn! Oh my God!” I yelled in her ear. Dawn yelled back at me telling me to calm down.

“Phil just asked me to hang out tonight!” I exclaimed.

“Jeese! Alert the media!” She said sarcastically. “So what are you guys going to do?”

“Well I haven’t exactly said yes yet.” I informed her feeling ashamed.

“I don’t get it.” She admitted.

“Well he just asked me. I told him to wait ‘cause I was on the phone.”

“But you weren’t on the phone.”

“Well I am now.”

“And why’s that?” She asked. “You’re buying time aren’t you?”

“Pff... Nooo!”

“You're completely neurotic, you know that right? The guy you like is asking you out. Grow up and go and deal with it.”

She hung up the phone. Well that was rude, I thought.

Okay, Joyel, I instructed myself. You can do this! Just accept the invitation. I turned and faced the computer.

Phil: I’m going to shower – be back in a bit!

                 I noticed that he was still in my online contacts but his status was set to away. I knew that upon his return he would expect an answer from me. You are going to spend the night with Phil, I ordered myself. It’s going to be okay, I reassured myself. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

                 I pictured us together at the bar. Their band was just finishing their set and Phil was walking over to where I was. I pictured him wearing his Taking back Sunday t-shirt; the black one with the yellow arrow. He had a smile on his face as he grabbed me by the hand. He led me to the coat check and we left the bar. Everything was perfect. I was picturing us sitting in a car; I couldn’t fasten the seat-belt so he leaned in to help. He was so close to me that I could feel him breathing on me and could smell his cologne. I imagined him looking up at me and kissing me. Then, he pulled away. “Well, these past few months were a complete waste of time” he said. Paddy-Cakes jumped up on my lap breaking my train of thought. I was shaking and felt nauseous.

Joyel: Just read your messages, sorry can’t make it tonight. Have plans!

                I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. I looked over at the caller display and saw Dawn’s number. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up; I knew she was calling to see how my night went. I didn’t want to admit that I was a coward, not even to myself. I was in denial, making excuses, but I knew that the truth of the matter was that I was afraid of what would happen if Phil and I were alone and I didn’t have a screen to hide behind. The more I thought about what would happen, the more freaked out I got.

                It was later that day, a Sunday, and Malorie and I had just gotten back from the mall. Malorie always felt the need to buy new outfits whenever we were going out, a habit that I was beginning to pick up as well. I was trying on my new shirt when Malorie yelled out to me.

“Phil just messaged you.”

I had left my IM connected, but put my status to away. I ran out of the bedroom half dressed to see what he wrote.

Phil: hell-o

Screw 30 seconds, I thought.

Joyel: Hi! How are you?

I typed back.

Phil: Not too bad, so how did your plans go last night?

Shit! I prayed he wouldn’t ask me what they were.

Joyel: They went well, how was your show?

Phil: Great! So what did you do?

Crap!

Joyel: When?

I tried to buy time. Think Joyel, think!

Phil: Last night...

I looked at Malorie who was standing next to me reading the conversation.

“Just tell him the truth.” She said.

Joyel: I watched a movie

Phil: Ouch! I got snubbed for a movie?

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Joyel: Well, movies ARE pretty important...can you forgive me?

Phil: Depends what movie it was.

Joyel: Fight Club

Phil: Well you couldn’t very well pass up a date with Brad Pitt, now could you? I totally get that.

Joyel: So you forgive me?

I was smiling from ear to ear as I always did when we bantered back and forth.

Phil: Of course! Fight Club is a classic.

Phil: Do you have another date with Brad tonight or will I see you at the bar?

Joyel: I’ll be there.

Phil: Great! It's a date! See you then, angel. xX