Do not let me Kiss him!

            Phil didn’t call that night. In fact, two weeks had gone by and I still hadn’t heard from him. I had been checking both my cell phone and my email at 10 minute intervals throughout my days, and still nothing. I had spent roughly $50 on internet access in the hotel lobby before I realized that my master key opened the door to an empty office where we could go check our schedules and sit down at break time. It took a few attempts to figure out the internet password on the computer in there, but luckily we managed to log on to the front-desk server and connect with the password Luke had given it to us. The only tricky part of it was that we couldn’t be in the office for too long or people would become suspicious. So Kat and I had worked out a system where we would each go sporadically and only for short periods of time. There were surveillance cameras close to the office so  sometimes we would walk past the cameras with a mop, broom, or basically any piece of cleaning equipment, depending who was on camera surveillance duty. Kat and I were becoming pros at it and at first it was quite exciting. I had finally got around to reading the emails from Audrey and was happy to know that Paddy-Cakes was doing superbly; though, in the beginning, I did feel a bit of a sting when I found out she was doing so well without me around.

            I jumped at the sound of a knock on the door. I sat still in the grey swivel chair - practically holding my breath to avoid making any sounds. Then I heard the other two knocks and immediately knew it was Kat doing out secret knock sequence that we had come up with. I reached my arm over and unlocked the door.

“Did you clean in here?” Kat said as she walked in and looked around the tiny office.

“I figured I might as well clean while I’m in here.” I shrugged my shoulders and Kat rolled her eyes.

“Any news from Philly?” She said looking over at the computer screen.

“I was just about to check.” I said matter-of-factly and I typed in my email password.

The page loaded and Kat sat down on the desk. My inbox read 1 new message and I looked up at Kat who was peeking over at the screen. I clicked on inbox and we both crossed our fingers.

Hello beautiful! How is the west coast treating you? Well, I hope. I haven’t heard from you in weeks so I figured I would write to you and give you a quick update. Did you know I met someone? We’ve been dating for about a week and it’s going pretty well. Oh and speaking of boys, I’m sorry about Phil – I know how much you liked him and I feel bad for ever introducing you to him. But if it makes you feel any better, his new girlfriend fat and butch. J Seriously, I’m not just saying that to make you feel better – and her hair is awful! Not that it matters, I’m sure you have tons of boys after you over there.

Well, give me an update soon. I miss you and can’t wait to hear from you.

Mal xo

I sat there with my hand over my mouth like it would prevent me from screaming or throwing up. I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks and my entire body was numb. So many thoughts were rushing through my head, but yet my mind was blank. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel; I didn’t know what I was entitled to feel because after all, Phil didn’t owe me anything.

“Are you...are you okay?” Kat managed.

I shook my head no and she hopped off the desk to hug me.

“I’m sorry your prince turned out to be...”

“A wanker!” I cut her off and wiped my tears.

“Yeah exactly...a wanker!” She laughed. “Come on” she grabbed the mouse to close the internet browser “let’s go hide out in a room and watch Ellen.”

It was the end of the day, and finally the weekend. After a good cry with Kat and a good laugh with Ellen DeGeneres, I felt better. A bunch of us were going for supper and I was excited for a night out. I was in my room putting the final touches on my hair when James passed by my open door.

“Looking good, Jojo!” He shouted.

“Hey, you can’t call me that.” I shouted back to him. “That’s Luke’s thing!” I pointed out.

“So what am I supposed to call you?” He was standing in the doorway smiling at me and the thought that James was quite good looking crossed my mind at that moment. Earlier that week, Kat told me that she thought James had a little crush on me.  I had confided in her that I thought he was incredibly cute, but could not get past the fact that he shared my father’s name to which Kat agreed that it would feel kind of odd to yell out your own father’s name in bed. But, as he stood in the doorway, I couldn’t help but notice how cute he looked in the Dazed and Confused red t-shirt I had found in the lost & found and given to him.

 “I don’t know, I guess you’ll just have to find me another nickname.” I smiled back at him. Gosh, am I flirting with him? I wondered as I quickly turned away feeling hot in the face.

He walked in my room and sat down on my bed. Okay this is awkward. I thought as I straightened my hair.

“I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Kat in the common room a while ago.” He said trying to sound nonchalant.

“Oh ya?” I prayed he would change the subject. I hadn’t thought about Phil in at least an hour and was determined to never think of him again.

“So this bloke screwed you over pretty badly, ay?” He continued. I nodded and avoided making eye contact with him.

“Well, it’s his loss...” he paused and continued “Lisa.”  I turned to find him holding my Driver’s licence which I had left on the bed. I hadn’t heard anyone call me Lisa since my father when I was a little girl. This is quite eerie I thought as I turned back to face the mirror and finish straightening my hair.

“Joyel Lisa, ay.” He smiled. “Nice name.” I looked back over at him, but jumped startled at the site of my father’s face on James’ body. I blinked my eyes a few times and finally saw James’ smiling face again.

“You alright there, Lisa?” He laughed.

“Yeah, errr, thanks!” I managed. “Just errr...a hair... in my eye.” I said pointing to my eye. “OK, I’m ready!” I nervously smiled at him.

“Let’s go!” He was sitting on my bed, extending his hand to me. Oh god!

I awkwardly grabbed his hand and pulled him up as you would when helping a child or elderly person, and immediately pulled my hand away from his as soon as he stood up. This is sooo awkward.

I shut my door behind me and saw Kat walking down the hallway. I ran up to her and swung my arm under hers to lean is close to her.

“No matter how drunk I get tonight, do not let me kiss him!” I instructed her as I whispered into her ear.

“Got it!” She laughed.

  

Everyone Relapses at Least Once, Right?

            It was April 2, 2004. I had been out West for a complete week and I was still cleaning rooms. I had contacted Steven, who, after looking in my file, reminded me that when I had filled out the form I had checked the box that stated “all job offers” and that the print out he gave me clearly stated Housepeeking in the job description. I thought for a moment and vaguely remembered seeing it, but I assumed that it meant they would provide housekeeping for my room. I was so excited about the sporting and recreational facilities that I didn’t even bother reading the job description. I couldn’t help but remember what mom had said to me What if the job doesn’t work out? I wanted to call her and ask what to do, but I couldn’t admit that she was right and I wasn’t ready to go home.

            I hadn’t returned to the internet café since last Saturday. In the evenings, I was so exhausted from cleaning rooms all the day that I couldn’t bring myself to walk. After reading Phil’s messages that Saturday, I left the internet café with a heavy heart. I opted to not respond to him. Not because I wanted to hurt him, but because I didn’t want to cause myself any more pain. I had come out West to move on with my life and discover a world outside of the Phil bubble I had been stuck in. I knew I had invested way too many feelings way too fast and the thought of it scared me. The worst part was that Phil had no idea how I really felt or why I really left. No one did. I had convinced myself, along with everyone else that I left for work when really I left because I was scared. The truth was that in the beginning, when Phil first came into my life, I only planned on leaning on him recreationally, but then I started needing him every day. I became addicted to the way he made me feel. He was my drug and I needed to quit cold turkey.

            I was cleaning my last room of the day, and was happy that it was a stay because that meant the clients were staying an extra night and I only had to do little touch-ups. I placed the cart in front of the door and grabbed my cleaning products. I placed my housekeeping card on the knob and closed the door behind me. I turned on the television hoping to catch the end of The Ellen DeGeneres Show and made my way over to the bed to tidy it up just like Kat had showed me: two folds down at the top, pleated corners and trucked in all around. I couldn’t help but notice a laptop in the corner of the desk. Everything reminded me of Phil, but laptops especially. I couldn’t help but wonder what he had been up to and if he missed me. I missed the conversations we used to have, late at night when the rest of the world was asleep.

I was dusting off the television stand; Ellen was interviewing Ashlee Simpson, who had just performed Pieces of me. I laughed as I remembered how last Saturday, after way too many Rum & Cokes, Kat, James, Luke, Trina and I wobbled our way to another bar where these two guys were convinced I was Ashlee Simpson. Luke insisted I go along with it and I had spent twenty minutes talking about “my sister Jessica”. Eventually they asked me for a picture and I declined saying that I wasn’t allowed to do so without my manager present. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I remembered how James even started calling me Ash, and pretended to be my new band member. Phil would love this story, I thought as I wiped down the glass cover on the desk. I accidently bump the mouse with my rag and the screen on the laptop goes directly to an open web browser. I peered at it with great interest and tried to resist the urge to type in the URL to my email account. Everyone relapses at least once, right? I thought. And before I knew it, I had opened a new browser and was typing in my password and hitting the enter key. My eyes darted back and forth, from the screen to the door. I grabbed the remote and turned off the television to make sure I could hear every footstep, every sound. For a moment, I wished I was Paddy-Cakes so I too could have incredible hearing. My inbox page loaded and I had 10 new messages. Two of them were Dawn, and the rest from Phil. My heart began to beat faster and I clicked on the least recent one.

Hell-o Angel! I hope everything is going well and that you are having fun. The snow is melting and I only have a month of school left. Before we know, it will be summer and you will be back. I’ve never been so excited to see seasons change.

Phil xX

Hell-o Angel! I was walking in the mall today and saw a poster for a new CD by a girl named Ashlee Simpson. I thought it was you. Apparently she’s Jessica Simpson’s sister and she has her own show on MTV. You think if I watch it it’ll make me feel like you’re still here?

Phil xX

Hell-o Angel! I recorded the song we wrote together. I’ll send it to you when it’s ready.

Phil xX

Hell-o Angel! I went out last night...it just wasn’t the same without you there. Other than that, Malorie was there and she’s still pretty much the same...as annoying as ever. Don’t tell her I told you that, wouldn’t want her to cut my ear next time I go to the salon.

Phil xX

Hell-o Angel! Can you keep a secret? I miss you.

Phil xX

I heard footsteps close to the door and rushed to delete the recent history. “Hurry!” I whispered to the hourglass cursor that appeared on the screen. The web page went blank and I heard keys in the knob. I immediately hit the sleep key on the laptop and grabbed my rag feeling flushed as the door opened.

“Hiya! Need any help” I heard Kat’s voice.

“Oh thank goodness, it’s you!” I let you a sigh of relief.

“Woah! You look like you just saw a ghost, you okay chicky?”

“Yeah, err, I’m fine” I said casually leaning on the desk.

“What were you up to?” Kat looked intrigued as she let out a laugh.

“Oh err, you know, just” I showed her my cleaning rag “dusting” I continued.

“No really, what were you up to?” She smiled. “Watching TV? Nosing through the stacks of papers? Come on, tell me!” She insisted. “We’ve all done it” she added.

“Checking my email.” I said quietly.

“Woah! That’s a first!” She yelled out.

“Shh” I instructed her. “It was really important.” I paused. “Now that you’re here, maybe I can check the rest of them.” I gave her a begging look.

“What do you mean?” she looked at me dumbfounded.

“Like you go and pretend to look for something on the cart.” I thought for a moment and continued “and like fake sneeze or something if you see anyone coming.”

“Got it!” she smiled excitedly. “This is such a rush, I feel like I’m in an episode of Home and Away.” She beamed.

“Huh?” I gave her a confused look as I wiggled the mouse back and forth.

“Aussie soap opera” She explained. “Nevermind.” She ran out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Moments later I was back into my email account rushing to read the remaining messages.

Hell-o Angel!

“I feel like I’ve lost everything when you’re gone

Left remembering what it’s like to have you here with me

I thought you should know,

You’re not making this easy.”

When I made you the CD, I knew this song would one day remind me of you. I guess today’s that day. (Track 13)

Phil xX

I fought the tears as I clicked on his final message.

Hell-o Angel!

 Kev gave me your phone number,..I figured I would give you a call after my show tonight (Friday). It might be late considering the time difference...but I hope you’ll answer.

Phil xX

Oh my goodness! I can’t do this, I can’t speak to him on the phone. I was panicking. I heard Kat sneeze five times outside the door. Real subtle Kat, I thought as I rushed to finish deleting the recent history. I grabbed my rag and hurried to meet Kat. I opened the door and she was standing there alone.

“Sorry, allergies.” She smiled. “Perhaps next time I’ll caw like a crow or something.” She continued.

“Good idea!” I laughed.

“So who were the important emails from?” Kat asked me as we pushed the cart toward the laundry room.

“This guy from back home.” I said trying to sound casual.

“Ah, so there’s a boy!”She said as she grabbed some facecloths to help me fill up the cart.

“Yeah, there’s a boy.” I rolled my eyes.

“So why did you leave?”She asked sounding intrigued.

“Because...” I paused “well, because there’s a boy.” I laughed at how stupid the words sounded when I said them out loud.

            An hour later, Kat and I were sitting in my room listening to the CD Phil had made for me as I told her all about him.

“Like Woah!” Kat exclaimed as she poured herself a cup of tea.

“Sorry if I’m boring you with all my talk about Phil.” I laughed.

“Boring me?” She laughed. “Are you kidding?” she paused and continued “This is probably the cutest story ever.”

“It drove me across the country!” I couldn’t help but laugh. “How is that even remotely cute?”

“Because, when you guys end up getting married it’s going to be the most amazing love story ever.” She explained. “You guys meet and fall in love, but are too scared to face the emotions so you run away and destiny brings you back together.” She pointed out.

I jumped up from the bed. “You really think we’ll get married?” I beamed

“I have a feeling the stars are definitely aligned for you two.” She thought for a moment. “They have to be.” She added.

“Wow!” I exclaimed. “I bet you’re right.” I couldn’t help but smile. “You can be my maid of honour.” I added.

“Oh Definitely!” She smiled. “I wouldn’t miss a Joyel and Philly Cheese wedding for the world.”

I burst out laughing at Kat’s Philly Cheese remark. She had the cutest habit of giving people nicknames that really ended up sticking. I had only been living in Oreo for a week and was already calling Luke Lucky Luke.

            It was almost midnight and I knew Phil’s shows usually ended around 9 or 10 p.m. Eastern Time, so I expected his call within the next hour. I kept checking my phone to make sure the volume was on and that the battery was fully charged. I had called mom earlier to tell her about my week, leaving out the details of the housekeeping job. Whenever she mentioned work I would reply with short sentences that weren’t technically lies like “Work is good” and “Clients are nice” which they were with their generous tips. I even managed to work my way out the pickle I had gotten myself into by telling her to use Spray Nine cleaning product when she told me about her stained coffee pot. When she asked me how I knew that I informed her that Kat worked in housekeeping – which she did. After that, I made up some excuse about having to hang up to go show James how to make jell-o, which in retrospect seemed like a good excuse at the time, but then mom pointed that you just have to add hot and cold water, respectively. I ignored her comment and hung up anyway.

So there I was, sitting on my bed, listening to my Have a nice trip CD and waiting for Phil to call. The time on my cell phone read 1 a.m. and I could hear people shouting in the living room as they played board games. I was missing out, but for good reasons. Kat came to my door a few times wondering if Phil had called, but I told her he hadn’t. I was beginning to wonder if he would.

An hour later, when Kat came in to say goodnight, Phil still hadn’t called.

“Maybe you should just ring him up yourself.” She suggested.

“I don’t have his number.” I pointed out.

“Well, I hope he calls.” She gave me a sincere smile and said good night before closing my door.

“Me too” I whispered to myself as I looked down at the phone in my hands.

I sat down on my bed and rested my back against the pillows. I reached over to my CD player and put on track 13 and listened to the words that Phil had written in the email. As the song ended, I closed my eyes and listened to the ending lyrics I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you. And for a moment, I secretly wished that I was falling alseep anywhere next to him.

Loads of fun!

            It was Monday morning and I was getting ready for work. I was sporting my regular work outfit: black pencil skirt and blazer, white shirt, nylons and black pumps. Luke, an Australian, mentioned that he was working at the reception today. He was hilarious so I was really excited to start; though, oddly enough, he didn’t even seem to be aware that I was joining the front-desk team. I had met everyone in Oreo, the staff accommodation where we all lived. Most of them were from Australia, and the others were from various parts of Canada. Luke and James were best friends from Sydney and both equally cute. Everyone worked in different departments of the hotel: housekeeping, reception, reservations, restaurant, etc. Two days ago, when I came home from the internet café, I met Kat, another Australian. She was sitting on the sofa in the common living room watching Sex and the City.

“Hey!” I said as I removed my jacket.

“Hiya!” she waved. “I’m Kat!”

“I’m Joyel” I replied pointing to myself and then looked at the television screen. “Is that the episode where Burger breaks up with Carrie on a post-it?” I said laughing.

“Yes, it is.” She nodded. “What a wanker, hey!” She said in a cute accent.

“A what?” I looked at her confused.

“Oh sorry, umm...a jerk?” She clarified. “You from here? Like, from Canada I mean.”

“Yeah, from the East!” I said pointing East. “Where are you from?”

“Oz!” She replied and stood up to come join me at the table where I was labelling my groceries.

“Umm...where?” I gave her another confused look assuming she wasn’t talking about the same place that Dorothy ended up after a tornado.

“Australia” She said and paused. “Queensland to be exact.”

“Oh, right!” I nodded noting how much Kat looked like a mini, younger version of Kate Winslet, except with shiny, brownish-red hair.

I joined her on the sofa and we got to talking. She and I became fast friends and had a lot in common and we ended up hanging out most of the weekend. That very night, Kat invited me to go to Mel’s, a nearby pub. Trina, Kat’s Aussie friend, had warned me about the altitude and how one drink could make me feel like I had twenty, and she was right. I woke up Sunday feeling miserable. Later that day, Kat and I made our way to McDonald’s and ordered the greasiest food we could think of, hoping it would make us feel better, but it didn’t. So we spent the rest of the day watching reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and drinking tea.

            I walked down the corridor and headed to the lobby. I could see my boss, Rosalie, giving Luke instructions. She was wearing a floral print shirt and a pair of taupe slacks. Her frizzled greying bowl cut hairdo made her look much older than she actually was. She turned to me, giving me an odd look.

“Good morning Joyel, adjusting well?” Rosalie looked at me from head to toe, as if inspecting me.

“Yes, thank you” I replied politely returning the full outfit inspection her way, noting how high the waist of her pants sat on her.

“Great, I assume you are ready to start work this morning?” She lifted an eyebrow.

“I’m ready” I smiled.

“Well, you’re a little overdressed, but we’ll get you a uniform.” She said, scribbling something on a piece of paper. “Will you be working in those?” She inquired, pointing at my shoes.

“Err...yeah.” I smiled politely.

“Well, they hardly look comfortable, and I will have to check the health safety regulations, but I do believe they could be quite dangerous.” She said haughtily.

“I’m sorry?” I gave her a confused look. “This is the uniform I used to wear before transferring.” I pointed out trying to sound polite.

“Well that is hard to believe. I can’t imagine cleaning a bathtub...”

“A bathtub?” I interrupted her. “Why on earth would I be cleaning a bathtub?” I couldn’t help but raise my voice.

“Well you are here for the new housekeeping position, aren’t you?” Rosalie inquired and I could hear Luke giggling behind the desk.

“Housekeeping?” I gave her a perplexed look.

“I’m sorry, but I do believe there has been some sort of misunderstanding, Joyel.” She said, not looking sorry at all. “I was under the impression that you were being transferred to take over the housekeeping position that we had available.” She said matter-of-factly.

“But I don’t do housekeeping” I whined. “I’m a front-desk clerk.” I explained.

“Well unfortunately we do not have anything available at the moment.” She paused and then continued. “Now, let’s get you out of those” she said pointing to my pumps “and into a proper uniform.” She looked over to Luke. “Please call Whitney and inform her we will need someone to train Joyel.” She looked back to me. “Now, follow me.” She instructed.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. Me? A housekeeper? I thought. I can’t let this happen.

“Excuse me, Rosalie, but I think there has been a mistake.” I said speed walking as I tried to keep up with her.

“Yes, well you’re here right?” She said filling out a form at the dry cleaning desk.

“Well, yes – but...”

“Are you need a job, yes?”She interrupted me.

“Yes, but ...”

“Well, then let’s get you changed and ready for work.” She paused. “An X-Small should do.” She said handing me a uniform and pushing me toward the restrooms. “I’ll see what we can do about shoes.” She looked down at my feet and twisted up her face. “A size 6, yes?” She said expecting an answer. I nodded. “Well, get on with it.” She pushed open the door.

OK. Don’t Panic! I instructed myself sternly. It’s just a little blip. I’ll call Steven later on and he’ll fix this. I thought as I buttoned up my navy blue uniform. I looked at myself in the mirror and examined the uniform. OK so it’s not that bad, if you can look past the whole 95% polyester thing.

I heard a knock at the door and Rosalie yelled for me to hurry up. I pulled my hair back and tied it up into a bun. I totally look like a legit housekeeper, I realized. I grabbed my belongings and headed out the door to meet Rosalie, who was standing in the hallway waiting for me with an impatient look on her face.

“I hope you are faster at cleaning than you are at changing.” She said sarcastically as she handed me a pair of shoes. I quickly examined the black shoes and couldn’t help but make a face as I thought about how much they resembled nurse shoes. They were plain and completely unflattering. I went from Working Girl to Maid in Manhattan in less than ten minutes.

“Katherine!” Rosalie shouted. “A moment, please.” She waved her over. Kat was wearing the exact same outfit as I and I couldn’t help but feel relieved as I remembered her telling me she was a housekeeper.

“I’m sure you’ve met Joyel?” Rosalie said to Kat.

“Yes, we’ve met.” Kat gave me a confused look as she saw my uniform.

“Excellent!” Rosalie smiled. “Joyel will be working with you for the next few days. You will show her around and explain the daily routine.” She paused and looked over at me. “Joyel, come!” She ushered me over. “Katherine will be training you.” She informed me. “I will have Whitney check in on you throughout the day.” She said and walked away.

“What happened?” Kat looked perplexed.

“I’m not sure.” I admitted. “Apparently there was some sort of mix up.” I explained.

“Well, despite how shitty it is for you, I’m glad you’re working with me.” She smiled. “It’s so bloody boring cleaning rooms alone.” She continued. “We’re going to have loads of fun.” She said excitedly.

“Well, I doubt that I’ll be doing this for long.” I said lacing up my shoes. “But in the mean time, let’s go have loads of fun!” I said attempting to mimic Kat’s accent.

A new City, a new Story

                The sun shining into my window, between the curtains, woke me up. I rolled over in my king sized bed and looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand. The time read 7:30 a.m. My Saturday mornings were reserved for sleeping in and watching the Disney channel until noon so I couldn’t help but feel irritated when I saw the time. The early bird catches the worm, I thought to myself. Perhaps the new me will get up early on Saturdays, I considered. I got up and pulled the curtains open. Looking out the window I could see buildings for miles and miles. In the far right corner I saw a beach. A smile came across my face and I couldn’t help but feel content. This is my life from here on out, I realized.

                I checked in to the hotel late yesterday afternoon and was so jet lagged that I ended up going to bed without even eating supper right after my new boss, Rosalie, showed me around. She explained that I would be doing the same job as I used to, except I would also be taking care of the VIP guests. My room at the staff accommodation was basically the same as their hotel rooms, except it was a rather outdated version. At the end of a long hallway filled with doors, behind which other employees lived, there was a common living room and kitchen that we all shared. In all, there were twelve of us living there. I had met two guys who were working at the front desk, James and Luke. They were best friends from Sydney, Australia and their accents made me swoon. I couldn’t wait to meet everyone else.

                I decided to change into some clothes and get some breakfast. I headed into the common room to ask if anyone wanted to join me, but found it empty. Walking down the street, I felt so little. All the buildings were tall and the streets were busy. I walked along the sidewalk, examining everything and taking it all in. I came to a stop and waited for the pedestrian sign to light up so I could cross the street. People were jaywalking and I couldn’t help but feel annoyed for all the drivers who end up waiting thirty seconds longer at their red light because of someone who pressed the pedestrian button, but crossed before their turn came around. I stood there and waited for the little light, shaped like a person, to appear in the box across the street; partially because I believed in karma, but also because I was a little afraid of crazy drivers.

                When I crossed the street I noticed a little coffee shop had an open sign in the window. I walked in and ordered a black coffee and a muffin. The place was small, but quaint. The walls were stone and the chairs, bright red. There were couches at the back of the shop, where a couple was cuddling. I sat down and grabbed the newspaper. I flipped through it looking for my horoscope.

Taurus, you are faced with new challenges today. But freight not, you will come out on top in the end. Your eyes will be opened to new things and you will see everything in a new light. However, do not get too excited too quickly as you will be face with a hard decision in the near future. A new opportunity will present itself, take the leap.

                Hmm. Well isn’t that insightful, I thought to myself as I looked around the place sipping my coffee. Across from me, there was a lady filling out some sort of paperwork, and on my left, a man was practically inhaling his scone. Everyone was going about their business, and I felt like I was already fitting in. I mean, there I was at my regular coffee shop – well okay, It was my first time there, but I could see it being a part of my weekend routine.

                I finished up my breakfast and it was only 9 a.m. Now what? I wondered what I was going to do with the rest of my day. I grabbed my purse and headed outside. The sun was warm against my skin. There were still a few more days before April was to begin, but everyone was walking around in shorts. On my way from the airport I was looking out the cab windows and I asked the driver where the snow as. He laughed at me and said if I wanted to see snow I would have to hike to the top of the mountains.

                The rest of my day was spent exploring the city, or at least the hotel surroundings. I had gotten some lunch at a Bistro and brought it to beach where I had my very own beach picnic. I texted Malorie a picture of it and she had responded that it was storming at home. On my way back to my hotel, I noticed an internet café and found myself peeking in through the window. No, you swore to stay away, I reminded myself, but couldn’t bring myself to budge. Perhaps I’ll just inquire about rates, I mean there’s no harm in just asking, right? I thought as I looked at the computers. If you think about it, it’s something I should know. If some day, someone randomly asks me how much they charge per hour at this particular place, I will know the answer and will be helping that person. It’s really all about relaying information to other, right? I tried to convince myself and then nodded approvingly as I made my way through the doorway.

                The café was small and stuffy, with only six computer stations. An Asian man was standing behind a desk piling discs and I walked toward him.

                ‘’Excuse me?’’ I interrupted his work. ‘’What are your rates?’’

                ‘’Two dolla one hour, five dolla tree hour’’ he said with a thick accent and then opened another box of discs without even looking up at me.

                ‘’I’ll take an hour’’ I found myself saying.

                ‘’Two dolla!’’ shouted the man and I handed him the money. ‘’Number one...tree’’ he pointed to a vacant station that read 13.

                I sat down in a black swivel chair, much like my own and quickly checked my e-mails. 6 new messages the screen read. I clicked to open my inbox and couldn’t believe it, they were all from Phil. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should read them.

                The last time I spoke with Phil, I told him I didn’t know if I would have access to a computer. When I said this, his face grew sad. At the time, I think part of me wished I really wouldn’t have access to one. I wanted to have a clean break, but couldn’t break apart from him. I placed my hand on the mouse and took a deep breath as I clicked on the first unread message in my inbox.

So there’s this girl…

The rest of the page was left blank, and normally I would have been confused, but I knew Phil and nothing he ever did was accidental. I smiled as I remembered this one night, when I was feeling sad, Phil asked me to tell him something that never failed to make me smile. I told him how stories always made me happy. So he ended up telling me a story about a boy named John. John was in his canoe. He was headed down the river when all of sudden the canoe tipped over. John didn’t know how to swim so he yelled for help as he grabbed on to a tree branch nearby. John was very scared of the strong current. And as I sat there remembering the story, I recalled interrupting Phil as he told it to me.

 “Is he going to live?” I asked him eagerly wanting to know the end.

“No he dies.” He said blatantly.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud as I thought of Phil’s made-up story about poor John and the canoe. Most people would have a happily ever after ending to their stories, especially when telling them to someone who was already sad, but not Phil.

I confidently clicked next knowing that these messages were like a puzzle that I would have to piece together to make a story. Gosh, I hope she doesn’t die, I thought.

I met her a few months ago.

Oh my goodness, is this about me? I wondered. Excited, I clicked next.

She has this insanely amazing smile.

She moved away and I miss her like crazy.

But I know she’ll come back one day.

Until then, I’ll send her emails every day.

xX

As I finished reading his messages, I realized that no matter how far the plane had taken me, I could never escape how I felt about this one boy from the internet. I followed my heart to a far off destination, and it followed me too.

Short Stories with Tragic Endings

              My alarm went off at 5 a.m. and I sprung out of bed, which was completely unusual for me. I was anxious to get on the plane and see what life had in store for me out West. I looked around my semi-empty apartment for what felt like the last time. I was getting ready and Paddy-Cakes was sitting on the toilet seat watching me as she always did, like a little girl watching her mother get ready for a big event. This is a pretty big event, I thought.

“Are you going to miss mommy?” I asked Paddy as I touched her soft head. I felt guilty for leaving her, but knew that she would be in good hands. And it’s only for a few months, I convinced myself.

            An hour later, I was going over my check list to make sure I had everything when Dawn knocked at the door. I opened the door and she was standing there with a smile on her face, bundled up in her green winter coat, which matched her eyes. When I told Dawn that I was leaving, she offered to drive me to the airport, without ever questionning my reasons for wanting so desperately to leave. Somehow I think she knew I just needed to get away.

                Dawn and I were always complete opposites. Even looking at us side by side, you would never guess we were sisters. Dawn is naturally pretty with an olive skin tone, rosy chicks, luscious lips, and emerald eyes, which she inherited from my father. I, on the other hand, have bright blue eyes, my mother’s small lips and pointy features. Unlike me, Dawn knows what she wants and is determined to get it. She would never move across the country without a plan, but most of all, she would never run away. She had been with the same guy since high school and their life plan was set, or so she thought.

                “Looks like you have everything ready?’’ she said looking around the apartment. She continued “when does Audrey move in?’’

                “Today’’ I let out a sigh of relief as I thought about how Audrey offered to look after Paddy and live in my apartment. We had worked out a deal where I would wire the money to her account every month to cover Paddy's part of the rent and groceries. 

                “You should hurry up; doesn’t your plane leave in a few hours?’’ She asked me as she picked one of my suitcases.

               

                After a tearful goodbye with Paddy, I was in the car with Dawn. The air was crisp outside and the sky was white. It looked like there was going to be one last snow storm before winter would call it quits for another year. 

On the way to the airport I asked Dawn to stop at the storage unit where we had packed up my things at the beginning of the week. Dawn stayed in the car and waited for me as I dropped off one last thing. I unlocked the door and opened it, astonished that my entire life could fit into a 10X10 cubicle. Granted everything was stacked and looked like it could tumble down at any moment, it still amazed me. I looked around and already felt nostalgic. Before I knew it, I was crying. This is ridiculous, stop crying! I instructed myself. You hate that couch, I mentally tried to convince myself.

                I heard Dawn honk the horn and I gave her a ‘just a sec’ sign with my index finger. I reached into my bag and pulled out my laptop.

                “Time to say goodbye’’ I whispered under my breath. I placed it on the stack of boxes. It looked sad and lonely in its case. “Don't give me that look’’ I pointed to my laptop. I placed my hand on top of it and whispered “This is for the best’’ and closed the door before I could change my mind.

                I arrived back in the car and Dawn gave me a strange look.

 “Were you just talking to your furniture?’’ She inquired.

“Don't be silly’’ I said to her and paused. “I was talking to my laptop.’’ I said matter-of-factly.

“You really are one of a kind, you know that right?’’ She rolled her eyes at me.  

I smiled at her and pointed to the road ahead. “Onward, Jeeves!’’

            We arrived at the airport and after saying my goodbyes to Dawn and walking through security, I was finally at the terminal waiting for them to call for boarding. I kept looking over my shoulder whenever I heard a guy’s voice, my heart wishing that it was Phil. I laughed at myself, but never disregard it as a possibility.

Even an hour later, as I waited in line to board the plane, I continued to look behind me, hoping. I imagined it like a scene from a movie. Phil rushing down the gate. Our eyes would meet and he would cry out Wait, don’t go! I love you.

“Excuse me miss, your ticket?’’ said a woman dressed in a navy blue suit standing by the door that led to the plane.

“Oh! Sorry.’’ I said, acknowledging that I was “miss’’

I rummaged through my tote bag; under CD’s, over the lip-gloss, and through the stack of unpaid bills. I finally managed to pull out my ticket, along with a million other things. CD’s and papers went flying on to the floor, an opened bag of skittles poured out of my bag and I noticed a tampon roll under a chair and thanked god that I was the last one boarding. I squatted down, scooping and gathering the CD’s and papers, leaving the skittles and tampon behind. I walked through the door without even looking at the flight attendant.

“Miss! Excuse me, I think you might need this.’’ I heard her calling out after me.

Please don’t be the tampon, please don’t be the tampon, I silently prayed as I slowly turned around. She walked toward me and extended her hand.

“You might want to hold on to this one-way ticket.’’ she said with a laugh. “And I think you dropped something else.’’ She added.

“The tampon?’’ I questioned with hesitation and not wanting to look directly at her hand.

“I’m sorry?’’ She looked at me confused. Oops, I thought. She looked down at her hand and continued “No, err...have a nice trip?’’ She said in a questionning tone. “I’m assuming this is yours?’’ She handed me a CD.

“Oh errr...Thanks” I managed as I shoved in into my bag and rushed to the plane.

                I made my way to my seat even though I could barely see in front of me considering everything that I was carrying in my hands. As I took my seat and tossed everything onto the empty one next to me, I couldn’t help but remember the flight attendant’s tone as she said ‘’Have a nice trip?’’As if she were asking me question. Then again, everything about that encounter was odd, and I just wanted to forget it. I was about to take off and I felt excited when I thought about what would be waiting for me in four hours when the plane landed; a new beginning.

                “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome on board West Air flight 413-’’ I heard a man’s voice say as I looked for my CD player in my tote bag. “All passengers must be seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, your seat backs and table trays in their upright and locked positions-’’ the voice continued.             

                Honestly, where is that CD player? Maybe a four hour flight would be a good time to do a little tote cleaning, I mentally note.

                “Oh, there you are’’ I whispered to myself. I pulled it out, proud to have found it amidst the mess.        

                “At this time, all electronic devices must be switched off and stowed’’ stated the man in a firm tone.

                What? After all that work? Evil manly voice in the box, I thought. I placed the CD player by the mess on the seat next to me and decided to choose a CD while the flight attendants did their usual arm dance up front. I picked up a CD and looked through the listings on the back.

                 Finally, the plane took off and I looked out the window one last time before we were in the clouds. I miss Phil, I found myself thinking. No that’s wrong, you don’t miss him; a new beginning, I tried to convince myself. I waited for the seatbelt sign to go off and grabbed my headphones contemplating what CD to put in. I reconsidered the one on my lap and looked over at the pile on the seat next to me. I looked closer and reached for a packaging I had never seen before, and there in my hand laid a CD that read Have a Nice Trip. Confused, I opened the case and a note fell out onto my lap.

Here are twenty songs that remind me of you. 

Phil xX

  

                I stared at the note, my eyes filling with tears realizing that there was a possibility that I hadn’t just imagined Phil at the bar last night, maybe he really was there. The image of him at coat check flashed through my mind and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was there to put the CD in my bag, or if he had gotten someone else to do it. Either way, he had made me the perfect mixed CD and I couldn’t wait to listen to it. I immediately put the CD in the discman and hit the play button. The first song began and the CD player read Short Stories with Tragic Endings. I closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics. 

''You let this one person come down in the most perfect moment. And it breaks my heart to know the only reason you are here now is a reminder of what I'll never have.'' A voice was singing into my ear. In that moment, as I listened to the words that reminded him of my, I realized that though he never told me, Phil felt the exact same way I did. I opened my teary eyes and looked around the plane and for the first time since making my decision to leave, I asked myself the question: Joyel, what the fuck are you doing?