Flavour of the Week

            Before I knew it, it was March. Things at the hotel had quieted down as did the snowstorms. Phil and I would see each other every Sunday at Relay and sit at our regular table. We would talk and laugh without any awkward silences. He made a habit of calling me angel insisting that I was his because we met a time when we needed each other most. I couldn’t see myself ever fighting with him or living without him. Our internet relationship had become a part of my daily routine, and it was beginning to get even more intense. I could sense that Phil wanted to see me outside of Relay, but every time the subject came up I would make a joke about meeting under a palm tree in Hawaii or hanging out on a rainbow and eating skittles. We created this world of our own where only we existed and nothing could come between us. Our dream world was beginning to take over and it was becoming harder and harder to know what was real and what wasn’t. I had become addicted to our conversations; late at night with my eyes fighting to keep up. I would have called in sick on everyone and everything for those conversations. But it was bittersweet, like a honeymoon where you find yourself waking up alone. I knew I needed to do something.

“You should just invite him over.’’ Dawn suggested.

“You mean hang out alone with him?” I felt nauseous at the thought.

“What are you, twelve? Yes, hang out alone with him.’’ Dawn said as she poured herself a cup of herbal tea.

“I don’t know.’’ I whined.

“You like him and he likes you, what more is there to know?” she said with confidence. 
I envied how sure she was herself and her life. Dawn had been in the same relationship since high school and knew exactly what she wanted out of life. From the time she was a little girl she knew she wanted to be a teacher, and that is exactly what she was studying to be. 

“But what if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks he likes me now, but then doesn’t like me when he gets to know me? What if he just likes the idea of me?’’ I 

“You’re so dramatic!’’ She rolled her eyes. “So what if he doesn’t like you?” She threw her hands up in the air. “At least then you’ll know.’’ She said matter-of-factly. “Would you rather go on not knowing?’’, she looked at me expecting an answer.

I wanted to say yes, but I knew she was right. I was dangerously close to becoming too much of a friend to ever become a girlfriend, and I already knew I wanted to marry him, so becoming his girlfriend was the best place to start.

            It was Sunday night and after giving myself about a million pep talks in the mirror, I was finally ready to go to Relay and face Phil. I had practiced my speech and knew exactly what I was going to say.

“Hey Phil, I was wondering…if you possibly, maybe, wanted to …Oh I don’t know… make-out, get married, and make babies with me?’’ I blurted out in front of the mirror. No wait, that’s not right, I thought as I looked over as Paddy-Cakes, who I swear rolled her little eyes.

“Okay, focus Joyel!” I instructed myself facing the mirror again. I was in the middle of practicing my real speech when I heard Malorie knock at the door. I ran over and opened it to find her standing there with Keven.

“Almost ready?” she inquired as she gave me a hug hello.

“Just about.’’ I reassured her. “Hey Kev! Come on in,” I waved over at him as I grabbed my jacket.

“Hi Joyel!’’ Keven answered back, closing the door behind him. “Have you spoken to Phil today?” He looked concerned.

“Me? No. No. I mean, no, why would I? Like, why would I have spoken to him?” I stammered and felt butterflies in my stomach at the mere mention of his name.

“Well don’t you guys chat like every day?” He gave me a confused look.

“Pfff… I mean, Errr… Why would you think that?” I asked trying to seem casual.

“Heee…’Cause that’s what he told me.’’

“He did?” I couldn’t help but smile. Cool, Joyel, be cool. I instructed myself. “I mean, yeah sometimes, but no I haven’t heard from him today.” I felt myself blush.

“Way to be cool!” Malorie whispered to me.

“Thanks!” I said genuinely only to realize she was being sarcastic.

            We hopped in Keven’s car and headed to Relay and I couldn’t help but wonder why he asked about Phil. I hadn’t even seen him online all day - not that I was waiting there staring at the contact list or anything - but on the rare occasion that I did check, he wasn’t there.

            We pulled up to the bar and I could see people lined up outside the door. I quickly looked to see if I could spot Phil, but it was too dark. What if he doesn’t come? the thought crossed my mind and I immediately pushed it aside. No, of course he’s going to come. He always does, he knows you’ll be here. I convinced myself.

            Malorie, who was sitting in the passenger sit, looked back at me and gave me a sympathetic smile. Other than Dawn, PaddyCakes was the only one who knew how I really felt about Phil, but Malorie could tell something was bothering me.

“I’m sure he’s in the back, sitting at your table” Malorie said as we headed to the coat check inside.

“Who?” I asked even though I knew exactly who she was talking about.

She gave me a look as if to say you know who and grabbed my hand to lead me to the far end of the bar. Keven stopped to get us some drinks and Malorie made a bee line for our table where a girl with pink hair was sitting alone.

“Excuse me, this table is reserved” Malorie tapped the pink haired girl on the shoulder. The girl has no shame, I thought. Pink haired girl obeyed Malorie, as most people did, and moved to another vacant table. We sat down and Malorie grabbed her cell phone to check the time.

“It’s only 11:20, he still has plenty of time” she pointed out.

“I’m fine Mal; honestly, I don’t know what you’re so worried about.” I said as I looked around the bar, my stomach in knots.

I was going over my speech in my head when Keven showed up with our drinks.

“I ran in to Simon.” Keven said pulling up a chair. “He’s going to join us, hope you don’t mind.” He looked at Malorie, and then over at me.

“Who’s Simon?” I asked.

“Phil’s friend. The guy he plays music with.” She explained and I gave her a blank stare. “The afro!” She yelled over at me while pointing to her head.

“Anyone see Phil?” my stomach knotted up even more when I heard Simon say his name.

Keven shook his head no and Simon sat down beside him. The boys were talking and I looked away not wanting to seem obvious, but I was dying to know if they were talking about Phil. The music was so loud that I could only hear every other word, which wasn’t enough for me to even try to make out complete sentences. Every time the lights flashed, I would look around the bar to see if I could make out his face, head, shoulders, anything, but I couldn’t see him anywhere.           

            Malorie was telling me about some guy she met at the gym, but I couldn’t focus on a single word she was saying. It was almost 2 a.m. and though I didn’t want to give up hope, I knew Phil wasn’t going to show. I kept picturing him sitting on a couch with some girl, whom he called Jen. At first she looked pretty, with long black hair and emerald green eyes. She was touching his face, his beautiful face, and they were laughing. I felt a pang in my stomach. I suddenly pictured him telling Jen about me and they laughed at the poor pathetic girl waiting for him to show up at the bar, and how she thought she had a chance. Then Jen’s beautiful emerald eyes turned to a glowing yellow, like Paddy-Cakes' when she looks directly at a bright light. Jen's body began to transform into Ursula, the sea witch, from The Little Mermaid. Her hair turned white, and her skin purple. Her tentacles wrapped around Phil, she threw her head back in roaring laughter.

“Joyel? Hey! Joyelllll!” Malorie waved her hand in front of my face.

“Oh! Sorry, Mal.’’ I gave her a sincere look. “I’m actually really tired. Are you ready to go?”

            Bowling for Soup’s “Flavour of the week” was playing as we walked across the dance floor and made our way to the entrance.

“Do you think I’m just the flavour of the week?” I looked at Malorie with tears in my eyes. She didn’t say anything back.

            It was the first time Mal had ever seen me that vulnerable. I didn’t understand how I could possibly feel the way I felt. After all, I had only seen Phil a handful of times. I didn’t think it was possible for me to be in love with a boy I hardly knew, but those past two months made me feel more alive than I had ever felt in my life. I didn’t know when or how, but I had fallen in love, something that had never happened before, and I didn’t know if I was ready for it.