The night I met Phil, we spent most of the night together. We sat side by side at a table in the corner of the bar, talking and laughing until they practically asked us to leave. I made fun of him for wearing a grey wool sweater, the kind a grandfather would wear. He made fun of me for spilling what seemed like every drink he got for me. When closing time came around, he collected our jackets and I stood by the door waiting for him. Wondering what was about to happen. Was he going to kiss me? Do I want him to kiss me? I couldn’t help but wonder as I watched the snow twinkle under the lamppost outside.
The bar was almost empty, except for the dance floor where Malorie was still slow dancing with some random guy, who didn’t look at all like the guy she had danced the previous dance with. With the amount of alcohol she had consumed, I wondered how she was going to get home.
After handing me my jacket, Phil leaned in toward me. This is it, I thought. My heart began to race and the fluttering feeling started in my stomach again. It had been at least 20 minutes since it last happened; I thought it was gone for good. I guess it was only wishful thinking. Phil lifted his arm and his hand began to come closer to my face. I wanted to close my eyes but at the same time I was scared to miss it all.
''You have sparkles in your hair'' he said pulling on a strand.
''Oh'' I said, a little thrown off ''I guess I some in my hair when they fell from the ceiling at the end of the game – does it look bad?'' I questioned shyly. Phil shook his head.
''Nah, you look like an angel'' he said with a sincere smile.
''Ohhhh my god, you so do look like an angelllll'' I heard Malorie exclaim with a slur, and she started to pet my hair. ''Sooo many sparkles'' she continued as she collected them from hair to throw them up in the air.
''Okay Malorie, I think it’s time for you to get some sleep'' I remarked as she attempted to put her jacket on upside down.
Keven was outside waiting for Phil, who was trying to help me get Malorie bundled up. You would have thought that her hair would have been completely de-coiffed, or that she would have had make-up running down to her chin, but Mal still looked impeccable. I was convinced that her bathroom breaks consisted of make-up and hair touchups because nobody could be that drunk and still look that good.
Phil and I parted ways at the door. Malorie conned me in to staying on my couch with her over-use of the word sweetie and the lost puppy look on her face. It took almost an hour to make it back to my apartment, as opposed to the usual ten minutes. Malorie had to stop to throw up every few steps. I of course held back her hair and made sure she didn’t get any on her shoes, as any good friend would have done. It didn’t bother me, though. I was on cloud nine and nothing could have ruined my night. Phil was even more amazing than I had imagined in my daydreams.
When I woke up the next morning Malorie was already gone. It was 10 a.m. and I figured Phil would probably still be in bed, but I rushed to my instant messenger anyway. To my surprise, Phil was there. I sat there looking at his username contemplating whether to say hi or not. I didn’t want to seem too desperate. Five minutes had passed and I still hadn’t said hi. Neither had he. I went over and over the night’s events in my head wondering if there was a possibility that he hadn’t felt what I felt. I thought maybe that was why he didn’t kiss me. I remembered the way he looked at me at the door and it brought a smile to my face. Of course he felt it too, I convinced myself as I clicked to open a conversation window.
Joyel: Sleep well?
I stared at the screen waiting for a reply, my heart racing. A minute had passed, and I hadn't gotten a response. Maybe he really didn’t feel it, I felt a pinch in my heart as the thought crossed my mind. I wanted to crawl back into my bed, but I didn’t want to leave the computer in case he wrote back.
I sat there staring at the conversation window for what felt like a minute or two when suddenly the phone rang.
‘’Hello?’’ I said trying to sound cheerful.
‘’Did you just wake up?’’ Inquired Dawn.
‘’Sort of, I was just getting out of bed’’ I said lying.
‘’It’s almost noon!’’ Dawn exclaimed.
Confused I looked over at the clock. My sister was right. It was noon. I had been sitting in front of the conversation window for almost two hours.
‘’How pathetic am I?’’ I said aloud into the receiver without realizing.
‘’Why are you pathetic?’’ Dawn said back into the receiver.
Shit. Think then speak, Joyel, I reminded myself.
I hesitated in telling Dawn the story, but I figured I wasn't getting anywhere on my own and could use some advice. So I took in a deep breath and began to tell Dawn all about Phil. Everything from the website to the events of the previous night. Even the part about me wasting two hours in front of the computer waiting for his reply. Maybe I should have left that one out, I thought.
''Wow! That’s so weird - your internet crush ended up being your blind date! How crazy is that? So you think he likes you too?'' Dawn asked sounding genuine.
''Well, that’s the thing; I thought he did. He really seemed interested, but then I messaged him and he never answered back. Besides, if he liked me wouldn’t he be in front of the computer waiting to talk to me?''
''Well first off, he’s a guy, Joyel. And second, maybe he’s just not as obsessive compulsive as you are. I mean really? Sitting in front of the computer staring at his picture in the conversation window for two hours? Can you say stalker?'' Dawn said as she let out a giggle.
''Not helping Sis.'' I managed to say without laughing. ''You’re probably right, though. He thinks I’m this complete and utter loser.'' I said sadly.
''That’s not what I meant. I’m just saying… give it time, it hasn’t even been 12 hours yet'' She said trying to sound hopeful.
''But he didn’t answer me.'' I reminded her.
''Maybe he’s at the bathroom.'' she pointed out.
‘’For two hours?’’ I shouted without meaning to.
''Well yeah, maybe he’s constipated. Shit happens!'' She blurted out. ''No pun intended.'' She said and we both laughed. ''I’m sure he’ll message you when he’s in front of the computer.'' As she said it, I heard my instant messenger making me jump up.
''Oh my god I think it’s him, just a sec.'' I said racing to the computer with the phone to my ear.
Dawn: Stalker!!!!!!!!
''Very funny, Dawn.'' I said trying to sound amused.
I ended my conversation with Dawn and opted to take a shower and get on with my day. I thought about what Dawn had said and considered that maybe she was right; maybe I was being obsessive. I mean, what did I really know about this boy anyways? Perhaps all last night was and was ever going to be was just a really great memory, I thought as I let out a sigh and turned on the shower.
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