This Little Love of Mine: I'm not Coming Home...yet!

I sat down on the green grass and placed my tote bag in front of me. The sun was coming up over the Golden Gate bridge and I hadn’t slept in god knows how long, but I didn’t care. I had just driven over 24 hours, making the occasional touristic stops along the way, but I had finally made it to San Francisco. It was early, but there was so much traffic on the bridge that you would think it was noon hour. I knew I should feel guilty for what I was doing, and that I should be freaking out inside for doing something so impulsive, but I was calm. Maybe it was the lack of sleep that was delaying my reaction, or perhaps it was the mesmerizing beauty of the sun trying to make its way through the fog, but for the first time in a long time I felt that I was exactly where I needed to be.

“Hello?” I said into my cell phone.

“Where in the hell are you? Was your flight delayed?” I heard Dawn’s voice through the phone. Shit. Why did I answer?

I knew I would eventually have to face reality and tell the truth, but I still hadn’t quite figured out my story yet. Got on the wrong flight? No that’s dumb. Was kidnapped and set free, unharmed, in a park by the Golden Gate Bridge? I imagined how the conversation would go. A gasp on Dawn’s part followed by a “poor you, are you okay?” I would then proceed to tell her how utterly horrible it was, being trapped in a car, forced to look at the shiny Pacific Ocean out of my window. No, that won’t work – I would obviously be blind folded, I thought as I crossed off that idea. Offered a huge movie role and I am making my way to L.A. to start filming in a few days? I’m starring alongside the super adorable Adam Brody. Oh my gosh, I’m going to be a huge star! My smile faded as I realized I wasn’t actually offered a role in a movie. Drat! That would have been awesome.

“Hello? Joyel? Are you still there?” I heard Dawn’s frantic voice, bringing me back to earth.

“Yeah” I cleared my throat. “I’m errrr...” I thought for a moment and continued “OK. Don’t freak out.”

“Oh – this should be good.” She said sarcastically.

“I’m actually in San Fran right now, looking at the Golden Gate Bridge.” I paused before continuing “it’s so beautiful Dawn, and later I’m going to go see the Full House house!” I couldn’t help but shriek.

“You’re in San Francisco? What the hell are you doing in San Francisco?”

“I just told you, I’m going to see the Full House house!” Gosh that one never listens.

“How did you get there?”

“I drove” I said proudly. I could hear Dawn laughing hysterically. Did I say something funny? “What’s so funny?”

“Yeah OK, you drove to San Francisco!” I swear I could hear her eye roll. “You have a panic attack just thinking about driving in the city here and you expect me to believe you drove to San Francisco.” She laughed.

OK so maybe I should have gone with the kidnapping story.

“Did you miss your flight, or get on the wrong one or something?” Dawn was still laughing.

Sure, she’ll believe that I’m dumb enough to do that.

“No...I rented a car and drove to San Francisco, why is that so hard to believe?” I said defensively.

“With what money?”

“I err...” I let out a sigh “credit card” I managed, lowering my voice in shame.

“WHAT?” She yelled. “Mom is going to kill you.” She continued. “I don’t know where you come up with these bright ideas.”

“Well actually Irene helped me figure it all out.” I said proudly. Oh! Wait, that was probably a rhetorical question, I realized as soon as I said it. Dawn couldn’t possibly think this was a bright idea, could she? Hmph.

“I swear to god, I don’t know how you get yourself into these messes.” Thought so. “And who in the world is Irene?” She said her name in ridicule.

“Irene”, I praised, “just so happens to be the lovely lady at the airport who worked at the Car Rental place. She totally encouraged me to live my dream and take this road trip.”

“Correction” Dawn said “she totally encouraged a neurotic and naïve girl to hand over her credit card.”

OK. So honestly that thought had crossed my mind somewhere between Seattle and Portland when I had a little panic attack in rush hour traffic; I almost got rammed into 84 times and somehow found myself mimicking Irene’s “Why not start today?” and “I can help you with the car situation if you want.” At one point, while crossing four lanes at once so I could get to an exit, I even crazily yelled “I’m going to fucking kill that bitch” at the top of my lungs. I was quite glad to be alone at the time, though a bearded man in the transport truck gave me a scared look – like I was a drooling Rottweiler ready to attack. Not my proudest moment, I had to admit.

“OK. So maybe she was just trying to coax me into renting a car, but the point is I’m here.” I smiled as I admired my surroundings.

“What about Phil? I thought you were rushing home to see him?” Dawn was interrogating me like we were playing Murder Mystery or something.

“I’ll be home for the party next weekend” I explained. “It’s just something I needed to do.” I said as if I was off having one last fling before settling down and getting married.

“You just needed to lace up your running shoes one last time?” She mocked me.

“I’m not on the run.” I said defensively. “I’m simply crossing something off of my bucket list” I explained. Yes, that’s good – write that one down and use it on mom later, I noted.

“Well have fun explaining that to mom.” She read my mind. “So I’ll see you Saturday?”

“Yes, I’ll be flying out from Vegas.”

“Okay be safe, love you.” She hung up.

I looked down at my phone and knew I had to call my mom. She was probably worried and I had already put her through enough. She’ll probably have them lock me up in Alcatraz, I thought. I felt like throwing up just thinking about how I was going to disappoint her again. This stress vomiting is really becoming a problem, I realized as I chugged my Pepto Bismol. I took out one of my trusty anti-nausea stickers that Kat had given me and placed it on my neck. Deep breaths, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. My phone beeped, breaking my meditation session.

Hell-o Angel. How was your flight? Do you want to help me study tonight? xX

I read Phil’s message and clicked the reply button. I think I’m going to need another sticker.