Airports & Dreams

I arrived at the airport hours early so I had a lot of time to catch up on e-mails. I hadn’t checked anything since Phil and I had started messaging back and forth on our cell phones so I had a lot of reading and responding to do; which turned out to be OK because the airport was completely empty and everything was locked up. Within 15 minutes I had been through security and was ready to board my plane which was only leaving at 7 a.m. – I had almost three more hours to kill.  I was exhausted. Kat and I had stayed up most of the night talking and exchanging addresses, phone numbers, presents, etc. James’ girlfriend Lorraine had arrived so the staff accommodation was practically empty as everyone went out to celebrate – like they always did when someone new arrived.  Despite how anxious I was to get back home to Paddy-Cakes, I knew I would miss living in a full house. Before I left home, I had a completely different life. Paddy and I had our routine; during the day I would work from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. while Paddy napped and played in various paper bags or boxes. Most evenings, we would cuddle up on the futon and watch our shows or Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I had only been gone a couple months, but I felt like my life had changed completely. For instance, I hadn’t been keeping up with my shows, the last time I had a bubble bath was the night before Dawn drove me to the airport, and I had never experienced so many consecutive hangovers or shopped so much in my life. In fact, just last night, Kat and I had to run out to the shops again for a new bag because I ran out of space when packing. Somewhere between having to buy a new bag and finding clothes with price tags still on them, I realized where all my pay checks had gone and why Mom had to order me an emergency credit card so I could pay for my plane ticket.

“Coffee shop only opens in an hour sweet pea!” A woman’s voice distracted me.

“Sorry?”

“The coffee shop” a woman in her late 40’s pointed to where I had been staring for the past 10 minutes “it only opens at 4 a.m. but they serve a nice breakfast.” She smiled.

“Oh – Thanks!” I managed. The woman removed a piece of lint from her clothing. She looked posh and smart in a blazer and pencil skirt, and a perfectly coiffed blonde chignon. Her gold name tag read Irene in black print. That was me two months ago, I realized as I watched her walk away. I wondered what I would do when I got back home. I hadn’t thought about where I would work. I knew my old boss would take me back, but I hadn’t decided if I wanted to go back. And since Audrey had already paid for the rent until the 15^th, I knew I would have to stay with Dawn for a week. Not that I didn’t love Dawn, but she was a total mom. She had rules and everything always had to be tidy. Even when we were little, she would have me make my bed before I was allowed to watch my Saturday morning cartoons. Who does that? I never fully understood the point of making a bed if you are going to sleep in it again that night.

And to top it all off, her boyfriend moved back to his hometown so she had just moved into a tiny studio apartment by herself. I was dreading having to stay there for a complete week. And come May 15, the day before my birthday, I would have to move back into my apartment and go back to the old life I wanted so badly to get away from in the first place. This trip was supposed to help me find myself, but I felt more lost than ever.

I looked up at Irene who sitting in her ergonomic chair behind a round white desk that looked like a bar in a basement. She was facing a computer and taping away - most likely replying to e-mails too, I assumed.

“Thinking about renting a car?” She pointed to the Car Rentals sign above her head.

“No” I laughed, feeling awkward that she caught me staring at her. “I’m actually headed home so...” I smiled “...no need for a car.”

She stood up from her seat, grabbed a booklet and made a bee line toward me.

“Here” she handed me the booklet “it can become quite dull just sitting around waiting – thought you might like some reading material” she gave me a sincere smile.

I thanked her and placed the booklet in front of me. I flipped through it, feeling obligated after Irene went out of her way to bring it to me. I had no interest whatsoever in cars, nor was I in need of one, but I took a peek just the same. I came across a page of testimonials, the kind you hear in an infomercial – random people just like you who found joy in the product that the company was selling. I began to read about Mark, age 34, who was on a business trip and desperately needed a car to get around to meetings. Poor Mark had a sloppy assistant who messed up and reserved a car for him with another company on the other side of town. But Car Rentals made his dreams come true when they came to his rescue with a Mercedes. And then there was Macy, age 26, who was incredibly grateful for the way they treated her when she got into a little fender bender with one of their rentals.

I rolled my eyes and turned the page only to find more testimonials – which were more like five star reviews.  I came across this story about a couple, Justine and Shane. They were at the airport waiting for their flight. Shane had just proposed and they were giddy, talking about wedding plans and honeymoon destinations. They both agreed the sooner, the better. That’s where Irene came in. She began chatting with them, noticing Justine’s beautiful ring. Irene told the couple about how she and her husband eloped in Vegas because they couldn’t decide on a venue or a guest list. An hour later, the couple rented a car and decided to take a road trip to Vegas to get married. I finished reading the story and I couldn’t believe it. The Irene that handed me my booklet was the very same Irene/wedding planner extraordinaire that was smiling next to Shane, Justine, and their little baby Emma on the picture right below their story.

I felt a pang of jealousy. I had always imagined myself going on a wild adventure with the boy I loved. Perhaps Phil and I will go on a road trip this summer, I thought. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to see Phil again. It was his last week of college so I knew he had exams all week and I wouldn’t get to see him until my birthday, but I was already counting the days.

I sat there and imagined him bringing me a present, and then I imagined that my birthday present was a kiss from him. Then, I got so carried away, I imagined us running away together that night to elope in Vegas just like Justine and Shane.  It would be magical, I thought and a smile came to my face. What if he doesn’t show up? The thought crossed my mind. No wait, that’s not right. Bad thoughts be gone, I ordered them. Of course he’ll be there, I convinced myself and imagined him sitting at our table waiting for me with that perfect pearly white smile on his beautiful Brad Pitt-esque face. I slowly approached the table and he stood up as soon as he saw me. He ran toward me and picked me up to twirl me around. That’s more like it, I smiled as I tried to imagine the rest of the scenario. I rested my head on my hand and closed my eyes. After twirling me around, Phil put me down and told me he couldn’t believe I was there. He grabbed me by the hand and led me to our table. Out of the blue, some random girl was sitting in my chair. I jolted up and opened my eyes. OK. Let’s start over, I instructed my brain. I closed my eyes, but the girl was still there.

“I would like you to meet my girlfriend” Phil let go of my hand and made his way to the girl who was sitting in my seat.

I felt a pang in my stomach and forced myself to open my eyes. That’s completely ridiculous; Phil said he’s going to break up with her. He wouldn’t lie about that, he loves me. I attempted to convince myself. OK. So he never actually said that he loves me, I realized. But he will, won’t he? I wondered. I felt butterflies in my stomach and I debated back and forth, fighting with my own mind. I re-read his messages on my phone, trying to find some type of hint that he felt the same way. Ha! Got it! I thought as I came across one of his most recent messages.

I’ll be seeing you tonight in my dreams, angel. xX

He’s totally dreaming about me. I smiled as I re-read the message. Except...what if he says this to all the girls? My smile disappeared. I imagined Phil laughing as he was messaging me. A book sat beside him and the cover read ‘Phil’s Tactics for Naive Girls’.

Oh my gosh! Am I always this neurotic? My thoughts interrupted my daydream.

I gathered my tote bag and the rest of my belongings. I needed a distraction from myself. I picked up the booklet and headed to see Irene.

“Wow, that’s so cool” I beamed as Irene told me all about Justine and Shane’s road trip. “I would love to go on a road trip across the west coast of the United States.” I explained. “It’s my dream.” I couldn’t help but smile. “I want to drive along the Pacific Ocean and through the Redwoods. Oh! and to drive on the Golden Gate bridge and see the Full House house in San Francisco, Hollywood Boulevard, the Grand Canyon, I want to see everything.” I was so excited that I couldn’t stop talking.

Irene laughed “that is exactly what my husband and I did for our honeymoon.” She smiled. “We rented a car in Vegas and drove back – along the Pacific Ocean just like you want to do!” She pulled out a map and showed me the entire trajectory.

“Wow” I paused and analyzed the route. “It must have been amazing.” I looked up from the map. “What was your favourite part?”

“All of California was quite amazing.” She thought for a moment and continued “but my favourite was visiting the studios in Hollywood. I’m a big fan of movie and television.”

“Me too!” I beamed. “I can’t wait to do that one day.” I whined, realizing that it might not happen until I was Irene’s age.

“Why not start today?” She asked sincerely.

“Well for one I’m alone.” I pointed out.

“Oh that doesn’t matter. I know a lot of people who have travelled alone. The important thing is to have a plan and know where you are going. As long as you research it, you’ll be fine.” She smiled and folded up her map.

“I already have.” I smirked and reached into my tote bag “researched it, I mean.” I pulled out my journal and opened it up to show Irene the itinerary, maps, notes, and everything else I had gathered over the years and always carried around in my journal with me. “Anyways, I don’t even have a car.”

“Do you have a credit card?” She inquired. I nodded yes. “Then I can help you with the car situation if you want.”

This credit card is for emergencies only love, my mother’s voice popped inside of my head. I looked down at the card and then over at my journal. I guess that a dream coming true is sort of like an emergency, right?  I convinced myself and handed over my card to Irene.