6 months later...
Summer had come and gone and fall was slowly coming to an end too. Normally I wouldn’t be too excited about it because I absolutely despise winter. But 2004 had been a rough year so I was kind of looking forward to Christmas because it meant that I was that much closer to 2005.
As I sat on my bed and tried to think of the events that had occurred in the past year, the only thing that came to mind was the adventure I had and all the places I had seen. I was twenty years old and felt like I had so many great things ahead of me.
“Everything’s ready, want another coffee before we leave?” Kat’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Nope, I’m good, thanks!” Kat gave me a concerned look as if she couldn’t believe I was turning down caffeine. To be honest, neither could I. May was the first of many major turning points in my life, and not just because I was no longer a teenager. So many things had happened since that dreadful 20th birthday, and I had completely changed my life around and had cut back on my addictions; caffeine, shopping, and well, Phil.
“Alright, well I’m going to go call the cab and hand in the keys to the landlord.” She smiled, fighting back the tears.
I knew how she felt. Those three months of having a BFF to lean on had been exactly what I needed too. After realizing how truly awful my life had become, Paddy and I had packed up our bags and headed back to my hometown. I spent the summer working and paying off debt, and Paddy found heaps of new hiding spots in my mother’s house, which was far bigger than our little apartment in the city. When fall came around, I couldn’t quite bring myself to head back. I had saved up quite a bit of money so despite my parents advice, I headed out west where Kat and I rented an apartment and had the time of our lives. I got my old job back and Kat and I were a team again. I knew I was going to miss that life. I was scared to death about heading back to the city, but I knew I was ready for everything it had in store for me. When I left, I really left everything behind, including all of my belongings in storage and the friends I had at that time. Audrey had a new boyfriend with whom she spent all of her time, according to Malorie. As for Mal, she was sharing an apartment with the love of her life and living her happily ever after. I hadn’t spoken to either of them since the summer, despite the promise we made to each other of staying in touch. I realized that people grow apart and move on with their lives, and I learned that the hard way when Phil moved on so quickly despite everything we shared in so little time. I did miss the girls some days, but I didn’t miss the life I was living and I knew that I needed a fresh start. I needed to break all ties that were connected to him and those six months away from it all was the rehab I needed.
Kat and I made our way to the airport. I decided to go at the same time as she, even though my flight was three hours after hers. She was headed back home to Australia, after healing her own wounds. I guess that’s why Kat and I connected immediately. We were both running away from something or someone in order to find ourselves. In the process, we found each other and became the best of friends.
“I can’t believe finding myself made me gain 10 lbs” Kat joked as she tapped her belly.
“I know the feeling” I laughed and did the same. “Though, I think it was that evil little hotdog stand by the beach that did its toll on me.” I smiled.
“Gosh I’m going to miss those” Kat whined.
“I’m going to miss this” I paused. “I’m going to miss having my best friend around.”
“Me too” Kat hugged me. “Oh” she pulled away “you should totally come to Australia with me!” She beamed.
“Australia huh?” I gave her my best thinking face.
“You really are easily influenced at airports.” She made fun of me.
We parted ways at Kat’s gate and headed in the opposite direction to my own. What Kat said reminded me of Glenda and I desperately wanted to see if she was working so I could have a word with her, but she was nowhere to be found, so I opted for the nearest computer instead.
In an effort to change my life around, I, in typical Joyel fashion, got fully carried away and changed my cyber life around to, and got a new email address. I wanted to disconnect myself completely. And it worked. I forgave myself for being scared, I forgave Phil for what he had done, and I forgot. OK, so in all honesty I still did think about him from time to time. The mere mention of his name or anything that rhymed with his name made me weak in the knees and gave me that achy feeling in my chest, but the point is I wasn’t deliberately thinking about him. OK, so there was the time when I heard a song on the radio, a song that he had put on the CD he made for me. And my increasingly weird obsession with Brad Pitt because of the similar jaw line that he and Phil share, but those were things that reminded me of Phil, which is totally different, right?
I was clicking through emails, when I came across a message from Rachel, a girl with whom I used to work in a hair salon. Rachel and I were both from the same area, and knew a lot of the same people, but had never met before working at the salon. Prior to working in hotels, and even before Phil and I had ever met, I worked with Rachel at a hair salon close to where I lived. Rachel only worked there when we were understaffed as she was in school full time. Whenever she came in to the salon, everyone was excited because she was living this complete Love Triangle life and we desperately wanted to know what was happening. She was madly in love with a boy who lived two hours away, but Rachel quickly found out that she wasn’t the only one in love with said boy. Every time she came in to work, there was always a new development in the love triangle. She couldn’t let go, which I didn’t understand at the time, and she was completely head over heels in love with a boy who she only got to see every other weekend, which I thought was entirely ridiculous. How could you be in love with someone you never see? Is what I foolishly thought at the time.
I had not heard from Rachel in over a year so when I saw her name in my inbox, I curiously clicked open.
Rachel has invited you to join Do You Look Good?
It’s free and easy to sign up. Do You Look Good? Is a great way to meet new people and find old friends. Click the link below to sign up today. What are you waiting for?
Oh Gosh! I couldn’t help but think as I read the words Do You Look Good? I wanted to laugh at the irony of it all, but at the same time I felt the urge to tell Rachel about how awful this site was as choosing your ideal mate. I mean that is exactly why I deleted my profile in the – then it hit me, did I delete it? I couldn’t remember. I must have. I was going over all the cyber changes I had made and couldn’t for the life of me remember if that awful site was on the list. Well if it isn’t, it’s going to be. I thought as I quickly typed in the address. Music started blearing which made everyone, and their mother, turn in my direction at the airport. Oh great, with that kind of music they probably think I’m watching a porno. I thought, my face red hot, as I frantically searched for the volume button.
I proceeded to type in my username and password. Crap! It’s still there, the picture of Paddy and I right before my eyes. I scanned the screen in search of a delete tab to click on, but I couldn’t find one. My eyes came across a flashing flag; the words next to it read 4 new messages. I clicked on them wondering what type of guys a drunk girl and her cat could possibly attract. Hmmm 38 years old, nice Joyel! Wow, this guy is shirtless, nice touch – too bad I don’t care for muscles. I was looking through the messages. Oh, well that is definitely not a guy – or is it? Delete! I clicked the select all button and was about to hit delete when I noticed the words peeking through the bottom of my screen. DarkStar13. My body went numb. I looked around me, as if feeling guilty for cheating on the rules I had set for myself, and proceeded to scroll down. The message was dated from two weeks ago. I can’t fully explain what came over me in those next few seconds, but it was a mix of joy, sadness, fear, and curiosity that lead me to click Phil’s message.
Hell-o Angel. I don’t feel like I even have the right to call you that anymore. I tried to email you a few times, but the messages came back to me. I can’t say I blame you for changing it. I do, however, blame me. I got what I deserved. I don’t even know where you are, how your life is, or if you’ll even read this. You can’t blame a guy for trying though, can you? Wherever you are, I hope that you are happy. I just miss my friend. I miss YOU.
xX
It took six months for me to completely erase the feelings I had for him, or so I thought. But it only took one message for me to fall back into him again.
I took my seat on the plane with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye. I pulled out my cell phone to send Phil a quick text message before turning it off.
I miss you too.
Your Angel xo
As silly as it was to be madly in love with this boy that I had never spent alone time with, I couldn’t bear the thought of not having him in my life, even though he wasn’t in my life in the way I wanted him to be. So I boarded the plane and went back to the city. Not because it’s where my belongings were, not because I had a place to stay at my sister’s, and not because I got a job in a fabulous hotel downtown. But because I couldn’t bear the thought of not being near him, even though we weren’t as close as I wanted us to be.
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