And to top it all off, I kept breaking my number one boycotting boys rule: No Phil.
“This boycotting boys thing is proving to be quite difficult.” I said to Kat as I prepared a bunny out of a hand towel, facecloths and amenities.
“How’s that?” She handed me a bar of soap.
“Well, do you think it’s cheating if you’re just thinking about a guy?” I placed the towel bunny on the bathroom counter and gathered my cleaning products, operating on auto-pilot.
“Is it the ‘hey I wonder what my dad is up to?’ kind of thinking?” She went and stood outside of the room by the cart waiting for me.
“No...” I admitted diffidently.
“Then yes, it is cheating.” She began to push the cart down the hallway and I followed, closing the room door behind me.
“Oh...well in that case I’ve been cheating a lot.”
“Phil?” She stopped in front of our last room of the day and looked over at me. I nodded yes.
“Sometimes, when I really want junk food, I’ll just change my thought process and trick my brain by distracting it with something else. Maybe you could try that.” She suggested.
“Nah, too easy.” I shook my head no and continued “my brain would trick me into eating the whole box of chocolate.” I explained. “I was thinking more along the lines of Pavlovian conditioning.” I said and knocked on the door of room 801 shouting “Housekeeping”.
“So you want to wear a shock collar?” She laughed.
“Housekeeping” I shouted again, knocking at the door and then turned to Kat.
“Oh!” I jumped up with excitement. “I could attach the collar to metal electrodes which would be connected to my head” I beamed.
“What for?” Kat looked confused
“To have my brain activity followed.” I said in a tone that made my previous statement seem obvious.
“Of course.” Kat replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes, but I ignored it.
”That way, if my cognitive modules overreact and my whole Phil Obsessive Compulsive Disorder kicks in, it will –“. Kat smacked me on the head interrupting me.
“Ouch! What was that for?” I twisted up my face and rubbed my head.
“Shock!” Kat smiled and I gave her a confused look. “You said Phil.” She shrugged.
“Oh, right. Thanks.”
“No worries.” She smiled. “Now open the door my neurotic little friend.” She pointed to the room door.
Kat and I finished our day of work and after having some supper I headed to my bedroom to make some calls. After a, as always, painless call to my father, who updated me on the family, weather down home, and small town events occurring, I called my sister. Dawn knew everything about my situation up to now. I confessed a couple weeks after I arrived and she said she would keep the secret even though she strongly suggested I tell mom and ask her for money to go home. Despite that bad advice, I desperately needed to talk to her about Phil.
“Boycotting boys?” the line went silent for a moment. “You’re an idiot!” She continued.
“Not really the comment I was looking for, but OK.” I replied.
“You go all the way over there to escape this guy that you barely even know only to spend all your time thinking about him. It’s stupid.” She paused for a response, but I didn’t give one. “You realize that you could have just boycotted boys from here, right?”
“Did I tell you he has a girlfriend?” I said ignoring her remark.
“Yes, did he tell you he has a girlfriend?”
“Well, no.” I admitted
“I don’t understand why you don’t just call him and ask him.” She thought for a moment and continued “or e-mail him.”
“It’s not that simple.” I whined.
“You’re the one who is making it complicated.” She shouted in the phone. “What’s his e-mail address?”
“You’re not going to e-mail him - he doesn’t even know who you are.” I pointed out.
“I’ll e-mail him from your address.” She said bluntly.
“You don’t even know my password.”
“How hard can it be to figure out? I love Phil, all in one word?”
“Nooo, that’s not even it.”
“Then why am I in your inbox right now?”
“Dawn!” I shouted.”Get out of my e-mail.” I snapped. “I swear to God –“
“Oh look, you have an unread message from him.” She interrupted me.
“I do?” I felt butterflies in my stomach and my face turned hot.
“I’m going to look at it.”
“No, don’t! I don’t want to know what it says.”
“Oh it’s just some forward or something.” She sounded disappointed “and there’s a picture of him with three other guys.” She paused for a moment and continued “Friday April 27, 2004, come see Wintered live and show your support blah, blah, blah, party afterwards at The Monkey to celebrate lead singer Phil’s 20th birthday, blah, blah, blah, tickets $10 at the door.” She read the message to me. “Oh sounds like fun, maybe I’ll go and introduce myself to my future brother in-law.”
“Don’t you dare!” I yelled.
“Hey babe, want to go to a show tonight?” I heard Dawn say to her boyfriend.
“Dawn! You are not going to –” my voice stopped “it’s tonight?” I recognized.
“Well yeah, today’s the 27th.” She pointed out.
“Oh my god, it’s his birthday today.” I felt nauseated. How could I have forgotten his birthday?
“According to the calendar.” She said clearly. “Want me to send him a Happy Birthday message for you?” Dawn joked. “Happy Birthday my little Phillypoo I love you so much and want to have your babies.” She said in a little girl voice, mocking me.
“You’re so not funny” I said in a serious tone.
“I think it’s kind of funny.” She laughed. “No but seriously, it’s the perfect opportunity to call him; wish him a Happy Birthday and casually ask him if he wants to marry you.”
“I already know he wants to marry me – he told me he did, remember?”
“Just call him.” She insisted.
“I’ll think about it.”
An hour after I ended my conversation with Dawn, my mind was still racing. I was pacing back and forth in my room and still had to call Audrey to see how Paddy-Cakes was doing. Also, my mother had already called me three times in the past two days; her last message telling me about how Dr. Phil said that teenagers distance themselves from their parents when they are on drugs, and if I didn’t call her back she would assume I was too high to do so. I figured I should give her a call too.
I quickly dialled Audrey’s number realizing that there was a chance she would have spoken to Mal and would know more about Phil’s so called girlfriend, but it went directly to voicemail. I held my phone in my hand and looked down at Phil’s number. I desperately wanted to hear his voice. I miss his voice, I realized. I headed to Kat’s room and pounded on the door hoping she would know what to do.
“She’s gone to hire a movie.” I heard Luke’s Australian accent. I acknowledged him, but didn’t reply. “Still not talking to boys huh, Jojo?” I gave him a half smile noting that a full smile could be measured as flirting. I turned and walked away to head back to my room. Luke followed me.
“So why all the rules anyway?” he pointed to my cue card which sat on my desk. “Is this because of James having a girlfriend?”
“God no!” I shouted, breaking my vow of silence.
“Oh, she speaks!” he smiled and sat on the edge of my bed.
“His name is Phil” I sat down next to Luke, feeling a lump in my throat.
An hour later, my eyes red from crying, I was still sitting next to Luke who had just endured an entire months worth of my Phil drama.
“I reckon you should give him a ring.” Luke laughed at the scared look on my face. “Hear me out” he paused for a moment and continued “you gotta realize that in life, you’re number one. You’re putting too much focus on this Phil bloke when really you should be focusing on you. You’re driving yourself sick not knowing if he’s got a chick back home. I’m fairly certain that if you ring him you’ll feel heaps better” he said and handed me my phone. “Besides, it’s his birthday – who knows, maybe this phone call will be his best birthday present.” Luke stood up and headed toward the door. He stopped and pulled his hand out of his pocket, tossing me a quarter. “Heads you call him, tails you call him.” He grinned and closed the door behind him.
And with that I selected Phil’s name in my contacts list, took a deep breath and hit the dial button.
“Hello?” I heard his voice on the other end amidst background noises of music and yelling.
“Hi” I managed. Hi? That’s all you can say? Stupid, stupid, stupid. I tapped my palm on my forehead.
“Who is this?”
Great, he doesn’t even know who I am anymore.
“It’s Joyel.” I said feeling mortified and insulted that he didn’t even have me listed in his phone.
“Are you serious?” He sounded surprised.
“Why would I make that up?” I asked him sounding confused.
“It’s really Joyel?” he laughed. “Just a sec.” He yelled into the phone. Why did he laugh when I said my name? I couldn’t help but wonder. This was a mistake. A huge mistake. Stupid Luke and his you’re number one speech. I’m going to kill –
“Hey, angel?” Phil’s voice interrupted my thoughts. Oh my god! He called me angel. I haven’t heard him say that in a month. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Get it together, Joyel.
“Yeah?” I finally replied, my voice cracking.
“Sorry, I came outside I couldn’t hear you with the music in the bar.”
“That’s alright. I didn’t mean to bother you – I was just calling to say Happy Birthday.”
“Bother me? Are you kidding? This is the best birthday present ever.” He sounded sincere.
Okay, so maybe Luke was sort of right.
“How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in a while – I thought you were mad at me or something.” Phil said sounding concerned.
“I’ve just been really busy.” I lied. “Plus, I figured you were busy with school, work...” I paused “and your new girlfriend.”
“My what?” he sounded confused.
“Your girlfriend” I was shaking.
“Who told you about that?” he said in an angry tone.
“Oh, you know, that’s just what I heard.” I said matching his tone.
“Right. Well, what do you want me to say?” his voice was quieter.
“Nothing.” My voice grew quiet too, tears running down my face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him.
“Because there’s not really anything to tell.” His tone was serious. “You and I are friends, right?”
“And you don’t tell your friends when you get a girlfriend?” I said defensively.
“We’re not friends like that.”
“Then exactly how are we friends?” I blurted out.
“You know what I mean.”
“No, enlighten me.” I said sarcastically.
“Joyel, it’s my birthday – I’m too drunk for this conversation.” The line was almost silent, except for distant music in the background. “Why did you leave?” I heard Phil’s voice.
“Because I had to.”
“No, you didn’t.” He replied and I searched for something to say. “I miss you, angel.”
I went to reply, but the lump in my throat kept me from speaking.
“I’m sorry. I should have told you.” He explained. “I guess I just thought you wouldn’t care.” I could hear the slur in his voice.
“When did you two start dating?” I found myself asking the question without knowing if I wanted to hear the answer.
“A few weeks after you left.”
My stomach knotted up and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “Wow” I managed. “So is she celebrating your birthday with you?” I asked him, figuring that I might as well rip off the band-aid and feel the pain all at once.
“No.” he laughed. “I’m actually not all that into it to be honest.” He admitted.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure what I’m saying anymore.” He laughed and continued “how do you do that?”
“Do what?” I asked him in a confused tone.
“Get me to say out loud the things I’m feeling inside.”
“I don’t know.” I said expressing my amusement “What do you feel you should say now?” I joked.
“I feel like...” he paused for a moment. “I feel like I want to say something, but it could be just the Jack Daniel’s that’s making me want to say it so maybe I shouldn’t.”
“And what’s that?” I was intrigued.
Phil sighed into the phone and after a few seconds of silence he finally said it.
“Come back.”
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